Hatori
Full Member
I never meant to hurt you...
Posts: 167
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Post by Hatori on Feb 7, 2006 2:45:48 GMT -5
He began to walk with her, feet crunching in the soft snow. He let out a heavier sigh, "Akito...." He replied to her question slowly, "You see, a while back you and I-...." He felt his throat constrict and he had to stop for a second, "Sorry...
"We fell in love... We wanted to get married and Akito did not like it and forbidded it.... He got mad and threw a vase (I think) and it shattered, damaging my eye with the glass from the thrown object. He forced you to watch it and I felt horrible because of it. Well, he decided to make me supress your memory of everything we had had.... He said it would be better because of the madness it was driving you into. It wasn't your fault then, and it still is not your fault. Anyways, I supressed your meories and well-..." He trailed off there and looking to the sky. "Everything's crashed down since it seems."
Ooc:// Now I must go for the night, it twas fun. ^_^ I shall be back later on today (Eastern time for me).
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Kana
Junior Member
"When the snow melts what does it become?"
Posts: 83
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Post by Kana on Feb 7, 2006 2:53:42 GMT -5
(Good night....er morning I don't think I'll be on tommorow but I'll try my utmost.))
Kana gasped not sure of what she could say. This was so much. "Maybe...maybe I didn't hurt you then...but I...you didn't have your memories surpressed right? So you must have remembered me. So, then I must have hurt you. I made you suffer in knowing that I would never be there."
Kana shuttered at this tears rolling down her face. "And...and you must know that I'm married now. I let you down Sohma-san. I did hurt you....and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I couldn't stay with you before. I'm sorry that I was so weak I'm sorry that I couldn't be your spring."
Witht that Kana began sobbing again. But she couldn't help it because she really thought she had hurt Hatori emotionally. And as thse awful memories were coming back so were her old feelings. They were no where near as strong but they were there. And she didn't doubt them one bit.
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Hatori
Full Member
I never meant to hurt you...
Posts: 167
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Post by Hatori on Feb 7, 2006 14:03:34 GMT -5
Hatori looked at her, at loss for words and unable to speak for the moment. He couldn't think of how to console her. He didn't blame her for his sadness or anything, but, he couldn't think of how to respond at first. Finally coming up with something, he spoke gently, "It's not your fault, Kana-san. You have your spring now, don't let that go."
As much as it had hurt to say that last sentence, he knew that he couldn't have another heart broken and however much he had loved her, he couldn't let her be burdened with that. He loved her still, but, Akito would never let them be together again and with the fear that she might get hurt, he couldn't let her feel this way. He could tell that there was an almost frightened expression upon his face, but, it was soon mixed with an expression of sorrow and remorse.
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Kana
Junior Member
"When the snow melts what does it become?"
Posts: 83
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Post by Kana on Feb 7, 2006 15:07:46 GMT -5
Looking to Hatori and looking into his face and eyes she could see the fear, the remorse, the sorrow. To her every expression in his face was clear to her and she found herself thinking she wouldn't be surprised if the same went for him.
After all he had just given a very good reason why they would know each other intimately. And even though she was a bit frightened at that prospect and the prospect of what the mystery to the entire past was she tried not to be afraid. For she knew that would only hurt Hatori more. And, no matter what he said she would still feel sorry for ever have had hurting him.
The thing was though she was trying not to blame herself. She was trying to do what Hatori said now and keep her spring. For she knew no matter how much it hurt it probably made Hatori happy to see her happy. And she still of course wished he could find his spring.
"Thank you Sohma-san. That really means a lot to me. I'll be sure to remember those words for you. I promise."
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Hatori
Full Member
I never meant to hurt you...
Posts: 167
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Post by Hatori on Feb 7, 2006 15:18:22 GMT -5
Hatori gave her one of the smiles that could make anyone surprised. A genuine smile that most people haven't even seen. The special smiles that he concealed behind a quiet-myterious exterior. Hatori could be very kind when he wanted to be, he could be a lot of things in fact.
The pain was somewhat uplifted from him and the looked of fear and sorrow faded, but, the remorse remained. He knew he couldn't say much to help her, he had never been able to. He supposed that it was best she stayed with her spring and he stayed-... With himself until he found a spring. Though, Hatori wasn't much into having another relationship, thinking it might fail too.
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Kana
Junior Member
"When the snow melts what does it become?"
Posts: 83
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Post by Kana on Feb 7, 2006 15:48:14 GMT -5
Kana sighed relieved glad to see such a smile on his face. It was surprising, yes, but in return she smiled back glad that they could remain friends. Sure, that held no candle to what they probably had before. And being friendly still probably would hurt Hatori but Kana was really glad that she had dared enter the estates.
Sure, there were a lot of scary thing behind it but she was beggining to think she could face whatever was there. And she was also thinking that just maybe she could help Hatori too.
So, seeing the remorse still on his face Kana turned to him. "I know that you still must be very sad inside Sohma-san, but still you should always keep trying. Things may fail and break but they'll always be there just the same. And, you're such an amazing person, there no way you couldn't find your spring if you try. But what you need is courage to look. And, if I can I'll help you look because I would like to see you smile like you just did for someone you thought was special."
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Hatori
Full Member
I never meant to hurt you...
Posts: 167
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Post by Hatori on Feb 7, 2006 15:58:39 GMT -5
Hatori looked at the sky and then back at her, "That means a lot, Kana-san." He told her honestly.
He doubted that there was that kind of spring out there for him. Out there and in reach that is... He contemplated it for a few moments and then looked at her, "My spring is knowing everyone I care about is okay... I don't need another spring. I don't deserve it." He told her.
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Kana
Junior Member
"When the snow melts what does it become?"
Posts: 83
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Post by Kana on Feb 7, 2006 16:14:59 GMT -5
Kana stopped for a moment rather surprised that he had said this. "Are you joking Sohma-san?" she asked her voice incredulous that he would even suggest such an idea that he didn't deserve another string.
"I do hope you are because I don't know anyone who deserves a new spring more then you do. You're so kind to people and you want to help them and make sure they're all right. That makes you a good person. And you've been sad for so long. So, why wouldn't you deserve a new spring? You've been giving people other chances at it and I believe it's time that you find yours even if you don't think you deserve it, because you do deserve it. And no matter what you say I think you deserve it more then anyone." Kana nodded at this a bit surprised by her words. But never the less they were true because she wanted so much for Hatori to be happy."
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Hatori
Full Member
I never meant to hurt you...
Posts: 167
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Post by Hatori on Feb 7, 2006 16:23:31 GMT -5
Hatori was brought up a little by her words, but, there were other thoughts that lingered. He looked into her eyes, into her kindness and found the words he couldn't find before.
"Thank you, Kana-san... That's a really kind thing to say." He replied, "I just don't think I'm ready to try again. There's so many other things to do and I'm not sure I could do it again, even if I tried. It's a nice thought, to have a special someone, but, maybe now isn't the right time."
He looked up into the trees and then let out a soft sigh, this was hard to say and he figured it would make her upset to hear him say such things, but he knew it was true.
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Kana
Junior Member
"When the snow melts what does it become?"
Posts: 83
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Post by Kana on Feb 7, 2006 16:34:27 GMT -5
Kana frowned. It was true, she didn't much like hearing what Hatori had to say. At the same time though she respected his will and his wish.
"It'a sll right." she said slowly. "Just, as long as you try when you're ready then it's fine. But you can't go giving up or thinking there will never be a time. Because if you think that then you'll never get your spring because part of getting it is believing in yourself and having others believing in you too. I believe in you Sohma-san and so I hope that one day you can have the courage to move foward. And I hope that when you do you can find that special someone and bring spring for the both of you."
Kanasmiled like this still wishing that Hatori was ready to move on now. But she knew that she couldn't push him. She wished too but she knew better then to perhaps force the end of the friendship that could be budding. In her mind though she did hope that there budding friendship just might be able to be the thing that got Hatori moving from deep winter to a beautiful spring.
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Hatori
Full Member
I never meant to hurt you...
Posts: 167
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Post by Hatori on Feb 7, 2006 16:45:05 GMT -5
Hatori looked at her and said, "I don't think I know how to believe in myself. I never was good at it, believing just wasn't one of the things I excelled at. I don't know how to show affection anymore either... It seemed that after that day, I didn't need to hope or dream anymore and it still lingers inside of me."
He was telling her the truth, because he could see how much she wanted for him to move on. He just didn't exactly know how to move on. That was probably the hardest thing for him to do, and the most confusing thing for him. Love... Love was difficult and he was not sure that he could take it on again. After being alone for so long, he had gained that lonely sense of feeling, but, had learned to ignore it.
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Kana
Junior Member
"When the snow melts what does it become?"
Posts: 83
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Post by Kana on Feb 7, 2006 16:53:42 GMT -5
((This is goingtohave to be my last post. I might be on at a later time but I don't know.))
Kana frowned at this and thought about what he said for a long moment. "Well, if just trying isn't working you should first just try laughing. Not at anything o anyone just try laughing. It may feel silly but it will make you feel better for one. And if you can laugh at any time, even at yourself. I at least think it's easier to get what you need done. And, if you thing of things you've accomplished and have pride in what you did that will also help let you believe in yourself. And just knowing you have friends and that there are people to support you. Simple things like that help too.
So really keep those things in mind and I'm sure you'll be able to believe in yourself. And one you believe in yourself that will help you show affection towards others. But, besides that you really have to find your own way to show you care about something. Dinner and things are always nice but if you believe in yourself and believe that you care for someone then you can show them affection no matter how hard it seems."
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Hatori
Full Member
I never meant to hurt you...
Posts: 167
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Post by Hatori on Feb 7, 2006 17:35:48 GMT -5
Hatori thought about what she said and tried to laugh lightly, but, nothing came out. He suddenly felt sillier than he had ever. He frowned and looked at her thinking, 'Now isn't the right time.'
Hatori had a look in his eyes that was easily to be confused with sorrow. He was happier than he had been in a while, but, there were thing on his mind. These things were troubling, but, there was not much he could do to ease his own pain.
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Kana
Junior Member
"When the snow melts what does it become?"
Posts: 83
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Post by Kana on Feb 7, 2006 22:14:17 GMT -5
Kana frowned seeing the look in his eyes. Suddenly she wasn't so sure if he were happy at all. "Gomen Sohma-san. I must be such a pain to you now telling you how to run your life and everything. I know Isaid I wanted to help but that shouldn't mean I'm allowed to tell you what you should do." Frowning now Kana turned away and looked to where they had come from.
"I really must be no help at all. I'm sorry. I should have known my place and accepted it from the beggining rather then troubling you." Frowning again Kana dared to turn to Hatori. "If you want me to leave and never come back after being such a usless pain I would understand."
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Hatori
Full Member
I never meant to hurt you...
Posts: 167
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Post by Hatori on Feb 7, 2006 22:22:49 GMT -5
Hatori looked at her and wanted to say, "No, don't go..." He couldn't though, it wasn't allowed. Just like the tears he wanted to release, they wouldn't come out. He sighed and finally spoke, "You are not a pain, nor are you useless. Don't say such things about yourself. I'm just thinking about things, you aren't the reason I am thinking of them. I'm just reliving the past I guess you could say." He told her, "Please... Don't go..." The last words were choked out and he felt his face get suddenly colder ans it got wet with salty tears.
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